Has Paula Patton already moved on with Jeremy Renner?

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High school sweethearts Paula Patton and Robin Thicke sent social media into a tail spin when they announced that they’re breaking up last week.  But has Paula already moved on with fellow actor Jeremy Renner (pictured above) The two were spotted backstage at the Spirit Awards last Saturday. The two former co-stars were seen chatting and laughing together before presenting an award, but is this just friendship or has Mrs Thicke already moved on? and is it too soon? For a lot of their fans it came as a big surprise but for months now pictures have been popping up on the internet exposing Thicke’s womanizing ways. Paula was spotted at the Vanity Fair party looking lovely without Robin or her wedding ring. Many are speculating that they will get back together because she hasn’t hired a divorce lawyer yet but only time will tell. In the meantime Robin who’s currently on tour has been pouring out his heart on stage telling his fans that he’s got to get his girl back.

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The hardest thing about being in a relationship is probably trying to decide if you should end it. The second hardest? Whether you should give it another chance — especially if you’ve already broken up. There comes a time in most everyone’s relationship when you think about throwing in the towel. And what if you do, but then your significant other wants you back? What if he promises to change? What if he swears up and down, back and forth, that that thing that tore you apart will never, ever happen again? Do you believe him? Do you risk getting your heart broken all over again?

Before you take him back here are 7 things you should consider first.

What happened to break you up? People break up for all kinds of reasons — everything from an affair to physical or emotional abuse to just not feeling like you have anything in common anymore. There are no right and wrong reasons to breaking up. Everyone has to weigh what works and doesn’t work for them. What you might not be able to stomach anymore, someone else might not see as a big deal. Think hard about what it is that broke you up and whether or not it’s something you can either forgive or live with, because there’s no guarantee that it won’t keep happening.

Why do you want to reunite? Is it mostly because he’s putting so much pressure on you? Or maybe your kids are, or your family is? This needs to be your decision, not anyone else’s. Do you truly still love him and see a future together — or are you just worried about a single income, about being lonely, or about dating again? Consider whether you’d get back together if everything else in your life was going fabulously. If not, then you probably don’t really want him, but just a relationship. Even if it’s not a good one.

Look at the relationship as a whole. Sometimes when a relationship is bad, we end up breaking up over some silly thing  but that was really just the straw that broke the camel’s back. If you’re feeling remorseful because you ended it over a forgotten anniversary or an ex he contacted on Facebook, ask yourself if this is TRULY why you broke up. Chances are, it was much deeper than that. Are you both admitting and confronting what really went wrong as opposed to the “official” reasons for the split?

Is the problem a chronic one? Is what broke you up something that keeps happening? How many chances have you already given your ex? Part of the problem of breaking up is that the ex can suddenly start to make all kinds of promises that whatever problems you have will never EVER happen again. But if they’ve already happened over and over, the reality is that no matter how much your spouse WANTS to change, he may simply not be able to. Psychological forces often dating back to childhood have shaped this person’s habits. Those won’t easily be undone just because he wants them undone.

Can you truly forgive? If you decide to get back together, you can’t be throwing your ex’s transgressions in his face every time you want to win an argument. Not that the problem can never be spoken of again, but it can’t be your go-to.

Be friends first. Try being just friends with your ex first. This way, you can stay close enough to see if his behavior really has changed without sex ratcheting up your attachment and expectations. If he’s unwilling to give it a try again without sex being involved, then he most likely just wants to suck you back into the relationship and has no real intention of changing.

Watch actions, don’t listen to words. No matter how much your ex promises he’ll never touch another drop of booze, or another woman, or will definitely get a job this time, don’t listen to anything. Watch to see how he behaves. Remember it’s his actions in the relationship that will determine everything. And watch for changes BEFORE agreeing to another chance.

For updates on Paula & Robin follow me at @AndreaMBain

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What’s Your Number?

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Now beware of the conversation ladies it can come up out of no where like when the two of you are lying in bed and all of a sudden he wants to know how many people you’ve slept with. There’s often a number he thinks might be yours, but at the same time, he knows it might be higher or lower. Now if you’re the type of girl who likes to share everything with her man (fool) you should know what he thinks about your number.


Your Number: 1-8

There’s something very endearing about the one to eight zone. A guy may be cautious though if you are in your mid-twenties, or even a bit older; statistically speaking if you’re thirty and he’s the second guy you’ve slept with he may be suspicious. If you’re a bit younger and it’s one, two, or three, the guy likely assumes you had a string of very long-term relationships and that’s about it in the sexual realm. Alternatively, he may think you maintained your virginity for some time and be curious about that. It’s almost intimidating to be guy number two to four. You are easily forgiven any awkward moments in bed, but the guy might actually feel a lot of pressure as you may still be easing into your sexual life or maybe even turned off by your lack experience.

From four to eight he still assumes you’ve been in some long-term relationships but there’s likely a one-night stand in there somewhere, and that’s okay! Eight says this woman has been with other guys, is comfortable but somewhat discerning about hopping into bed, and yet might be willing to settle down with one guy moving forward.

Your Number: 9-15

The nine to fifteen zone is still pretty average in the mind of a man. You probably had a few one-night stands, some short-term flings, and some long-term boyfriends. You’ve run the gamut and know what you want. For the modern woman, anything up to fifteen should not surprise a guy. If your guy is surprised, it’s because his number is likely significantly less and he didn’t expect that. A gentleman that is shocked by a number in this range reveals more about himself then you just did by telling him your number.

Your Number: 16-30

This is where age does become a factor. If you are twenty and have slept with twenty men that says something different to a guy than if you are thirty and have slept with that many. The older you are, the more a man might assume short flings, relationships that went south earlier than expected, and even those guys whose last name may have gotten lost along the way. If you are in your late teens/early twenties and have slept with this many men you might get an eyebrow raise and some questions.

Your Number: 31-50

Now girls this is where your boyfriend might become uncomfortable with your number. One thing that I’ve learned is regardless a man’s age, religious background or profession they are for the most part very judgmental of women with too much sexual experience under her belt. A woman in her late twenties or older may very well have a number in this range. Ladies – don’t be ashamed. If you are in this range it tells a guy that you kissed some frogs. We have too. That’s okay.

Your Number: 51 or more

Ah, the experienced woman. Some men may not like the idea that the woman they have their heart set on has been with this many lovers. Some men might be glad you know what you are doing. There could be guys out there who might gasp if the woman they share a bed with turned out to have slept with more than fifty men. But that’s because they had an idea of how many men you slept with and it was much lower. In these sorts of cases it might be best to get “the talk” out of the way early on if you REALLY feel like you must share this part of your past with him.

At the end of the day, if you have the right chemistry and the sex is incredible, why should it matter how many people you slept with, are you going to kick the person out of bed if their number is too high or too low? I don’t think so. We all have preconceived notions of what our partner was doing before they met us (ideally: sitting on their hands idly waiting) but those expectations are often unrealistic. Our past shapes us in both good and bad ways, so stop asking silly questions, enjoy the sex and don’t forget to wear protection.

The Good The Bad and The Single

Texting and Dating, Loving it or Nah?

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Dating in the new millennium is complicated. It’s been broken down into a bunch of sub categories like hooking up, seeing each other, kicking it, sexting or becoming facebook official. Long gone are the innocent days of getting a note asking if you want to be someone’s girlfriend with two boxes yes or no.

Technology has thrust us single folks into a new dating world where communication is primarily done by text messages, which I cannot stand. My motto is never trust a man who can’t pick up the phone to talk to you (he’s probably sitting next to his wife) There are also a lot of women who feel like they have to compromise themselves to get a man to pay attention to them. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a women say , “if I don’t give him some he’ll just go get it from that other girl” I’d be a millionaire. But why are we putting  up with these ridiculous expectations? And when did we decide to put men in the drivers’ seat?

A few weeks ago I was encouraged by my girlfriend Sandra B to watch a special Oprah did about dating with authors of “It’s Just A F*cking Date” Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola,  and they touched on texting and dating and why women are lowering their standards. Take a look and feel free to share your thoughts

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Why-Women-Have-Lowered-Their-Dating-Standards-Video

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-Truth-About-Texting-and-Dating-Video

Is Jared Leto Dating this Oscar Winner?

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Are they or aren’t they? I think these two oscar winner are having too much fun making us guess if they’re together or not. Recently they took pictures together during Paris fashion week. But Lupita has also been linked to Somalian/Canadian rapper K’naan. But apparently K’naan is still married to his wife who his has 2 children with.

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Update: Congrats to Lupita and Jared for their Oscar win last night. The romance rumors are still swirling around these two, and it doesn’t help that Jared referred to Lupita as his “future ex-wife” in his acceptance speech at the Spirit Awards last Saturday night. Now Lupita has denied that the two are a couple during her interview on the Ellen Degeneres Show, but let’s be real Hollywood couples never admit to dating until their either engaged or pregnant. So we’re going to continue to keep an eye on these two.

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Looks like “Dallas Buyers Club” actor Jared Leto is in hot pursuit of “12 Year’s A Slave” star Lupita Nyong’o. The two have been spotted getting very cozy at a number of the events. But who can blame him she’s absolutely gorgeous and talented, of course. We’ll definitely be keeping an eye on these two.

For more updates follow me @Andreambain

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SO YOUR BFF HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND, GREAT!?!

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There’s nothing like having a buddy to go through the trenches of single life with, someone to complain to, cry to, share secrets with and call from the bathroom of the restaurant when you need to escape a really bad date, but what happens when your bestie gets a new boyfriend?

First of all try not to think of it as losing a friend but instead as gaining a new designated driver or guy to bounce all of your boy questions off of. Now that your best friend has a boyfriend, things are going to change, but not necessarily for the worse!

Here are a few ways to cope with the loss of your wing woman:

Relax. This isn’t going to change your friendship, unless you let it. So, CALM DOWN. And seriously, whatever you do, don’t panic and start dating a loser just so you can say you have a man too.

You might not see her as often, so make your time with her count! Plan “friend dates” in your calendars so you have time to do the things the both of you like to do.

Invite your pal and her new man out.  There’s no need to feel like a third wheel in this situation. This is not a competition to see who she likes more, but a chance get to know her new beau and make him feel comfortable

Re-commit yourself to your job.  Take on an extra project or two, and show your boss that you are ready for that promotion. Free time is a great opportunity to give the things going on in your life a little more attention

You lost your yoga partner, so take this opportunity to strike up a conversation with the girl who is always nailing tree pose. You can pick up a few pointers or find out where she gets her cute yogi outfits.

You’ve been meaning to call your old roommate to catch up over drinks for ages, so here’s your chance! You may be missing your bestie but you have other friends. Don’t be afraid to call them and make plans to hang out.

Volunteer for a cause you believe in, or really any cause. Pick one charity and devote some time to it each month. Nothing feels better than giving back

Sign up for one of those running groups. Exercise is the best distraction even if you absolutely hate it plus you can use it as an opportunity to burn off some of that junk food you’ve been eating since your bestie isn’t there to share it with you

Be happy for her! She’d fake it for you, too.

The New Show That Has All The Manswers

Do you know what men are thinking? well the new game show “Mind of Man” will put your knowledge to the test.

The point is for contestants to  guess what men are thinking based on answers provided by national surveys. If they guess correctly, then they advance. A celebrity panel tries to help them find the right answers. Comedia DRay serves as host to this half hour show, which airs Wendesday 8pm on The Game Show Network.

The Good The Bad and The Single

The One Question You Should Never Have to Ask While On a Date

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Dating. It can get freakin’ crazy town up in here.

One thing has been coming up a lot lately in conversations with clients and friends is the idea of first dates.

And what I realized is that the one question that you never want to have to ask on a date: “So, is this a date?”

I’ve been on dates (and non-dates) where that was the question one (or both of) us was asking ourselves. And if that is happening, then it’s time to shift our strategy.

A long while back, I rebelled against dates. I resisted the idea of blowing $100 on someone I barely knew. Then I resisted my pattern of getting too physical, too quickly. We’d both be stuck in the dopamine and oxytocin roller coaster and we’d have no idea whether we actually liked or loved each other. We did know that we wanted to screw each other, though. And that’s a great thing.

So then I shoved the pendulum in the other direction. I wanted to get to know women as friends, first. I want to know if I actually love hanging out with you. Because no matter how much great sex we have, we still have to be in each other’s company in non-naked situations. Can we go on a four-hour car ride with each other and not want to duct tape each other’s mouths? Can I have a blast with you at Target? Can we just chill out at home together and enjoy not talking? As long as there was initial physical attraction and chemistry, let’s put that on hold so we can get to know each as humans, first. So from then on, it was coffee. Or gelato. Real simple and casual. No pressure! No risk! And I still believe in that overall strategy. I want a best friend and a lover.

But it’s time to bring sexy back.

Because I noticed there was no spark on those dates. The vibe would already start off as friend zone. And therein lies the problem. If I want to find love, sex, romance, I have to create a space for it to show up. If you want to order love and sex, you gotta put them on menu.

My point is not about what you actually do on the date. The content is mostly irrelevant. It could be an espresso in Central Park. Sweaty salsa dancing in a dark corner of the local Cuban joint.

Picking out your favorite baboon at the zoo.

It’s more about the context of the date.

One fine day I got the phone number of a woman I met and felt a vibe with. Normally, I would have said, “We should meet up sometime and grab coffee.” And in my mind, I would have been thinking, “Let’s see how the meet-up goes. If it goes well, we’ll declare it a date retroactively. If it doesn’t go well, it’s ok because it was never a date to begin with! No risk!”

But with that approach, she doesn’t know what to do.

“Is he even interested in me?”
“What should I wear?”
“Does he find me attractive?”
“Is he going to be treating me or are we splitting the check?”

All of which add stress and confusion for her.

So with this particular woman, I just said: “I want to take you on a date. What does your week look like?”

NO ambiguity.
NO hesitation.
NO “so you wouldn’t wanna, kinda, sorta go out sometime, would you?”
NO “hanging out,” “grabbing coffee,” “grabbing a bite.”

And there are several benefits of being bold and direct.

FOR HER

She knows what you’re wanting.
She knows what’s she’s going into.
She gets to respond to your honesty.
It’s clear who is inviting who and who should pay (you).
She will actually feel your desire for her. Which feels a lot different than covertly desiring something from her.
She can relax.

FOR YOU

If she’s not interested, you get to know right away. No need to waste time/money/energy/tears on finding out later.
You feel good that you were unapologetic in owning and declaring what you want.
You know that if she does say yes, that she knows it’s a date, too. It’s on.
You know that both you and her won’t be playing any games or be stressed out in the ambiguity.
You’ve created a space for romance, flirtation and courtship to happen. And she gets to choose whether she wants to enter that space.

I spoke with several female friends about what I did and they all said something like, “Whoa, that’s bold. I love it. Wish more guys did that.” And to be honest, it was a new way for me. And it felt fucking great. I was energized. I was open to whatever answer she was going to give me.

So guys (and ladies), next time you are romantically/sexually interested in someone, use eight simple and powerful words: “I want to take you on a date.”

And no matter what they say back, you’ll be clear. Either it will be on, or it’s not, and you can move on.

By Jeffrey Platts