Selena Gomez proves that you can be friends with your ex, even if he’s a bit of a douchebag?
At one point former Disney Star Selena Gomez was living every young girls dream. She was dating pop superstar Justin Bieber, her music career was in full swing and she was gracefully shedding her goody-two-shoes Disney image, without twerking or a foam finger. But like all good things it came to an end. In a recent interview she did with US Weekly she divulged the real reason she broke up Justin, which isn’t hard to figure out with all of his out of control behaviour like sleeping with Brazilian porn stars, peeing in mop buckets and running with a reckless group of friends. But at the tender age of 21 Gomez is showing us that you can break up with your ex and still be friends.
“We can be friends” are famous last words spoken in the midst of the break up conversation. Whether you’re speaking the words or listening to your ex say them to you with a half hearted smile on their face, let’s be real how many of your exes are you really friends with? If your answer is all of them well you can stop reading this right now. As for the rest of us there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. With a bit of honesty and communication it’s possible to still be friends with your ex. Here’s how
Take space. When you initially break up with someone, there are going to be a lot of strong feelings. You’ll feel remorse, anger, jealousy, especially when you see a picture of some girl with her arms around him. That’s normal! Don’t beat yourself up for feeling what you’re feeling. But also don’t feel like you need to act on these bitter feelings. Take the space you need to be by yourself and mend your broken heart. No need to go to extremes with alcohol or new sexual partners or calling him late at night in a fit of rage. It’s okay to let the phone ring when he calls and not pick it up.
Stop blaming. Most of our heartbreak around this sort of situation is perpetuated by our own guilt, anger or sadness about the way things ended. “If I had done this differently then we would still be together,” or “He is such a asshole! How could he cheat on me?” You can really get yourself worked up about the break up if you’re not careful. The next time it happens to you stop yourself and say “No blame,” then refocus on what you are doing. If you’re watching TV, come back to the program. If you’re on the treadmill, refocus on running. If you’re out with friends, rejoin the conversation. Whatever you are doing, drop the blame and just be in the moment.
Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. There was a reason that you and your ex spent so much time together. Remember the good times, and don’t just assume the worst of your ex because of how the breakup went down. We all mean well, and we all strive for happiness. Sometimes we get confused about how to achieve that, and end up hurting others. Just because you feel hurt, doesn’t mean you need to forget about all the great memories from the relationship.
Reconnect on your terms. Before you reconnect with your ex it’s very important that you feel ready. Now it’s important that I clarify that being ready is not after you’ve lost 20 pounds and think you look really hot and want to make them jealous, if you’re thinking that way you’re not ready yet. It may take weeks heck it may take years before you’re ready, and that’s okay. When you meet up, try to walk into that situation without a lot of expectations for what you want to happen. If you walk in with expectations there is a good chance you will end up disappointed. Think of it as a good chance to get to know them again. Pretend you’re on a first date, or just getting to know a new friend. You may be surprised by how much he has changed or realize he hasn’t changed at all.
Avoid the good old breakup to makeup I’ve always said that the easiest person to hook up with is your ex. Not only is it comfortable it also feels really good to be back in that familiar embrace. But you have to be very careful. The last thing you want to do is fall back into old roles that bring you back to the reason why you broke up in the first place.
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